I just took a survey about diabetes. One of the questions wanted to know if there was a word related to diabetes I would like to go away.
Yes. Absolutely. It’s a word many embrace. They see it as a good thing. I see it as a very sad word.
If you don’t know that word, you are blessed.
I see it in every diabetes group I am in. It shows up in my emails frequently.
I don’t want to commemorate the day my child was diagnosed with diabetes. Life changed drastically that day. Dreams ended that day. That is the saddest day of my life. That is the day I couldn’t wake her up. That was the day I had to face the fact my child might never wake up again. That day was also my birthday.
That was on a Wednesday. Two days prior she apologized because she knew she would be sick on my birthday. She had what appeared to be the beginning of a cold. I am confidant she had no idea just how sick she was going to be.
I hate May 20th. I no longer celebrate that day. There is nothing about that day I need to celebrate. I have changed May calendars to “19 + 1 day” instead of 20. Crossing out the 20 is cathartic. It takes away a bit of the sting of that day.
People talk about ways to celebrate diaversaries. I don’t participate. I understand we all handle situations differently.
I asked my daughter why diaversaries were such a big deal. Why would anyone want to celebrate the day life took a serious detour? She explained a diaversary is a celebration of having beaten diabetes for another year. Like alcoholics staying sober for a year. An addict being clean for another year.
Every day you beat diabetes is a fantastic, wonderful day.
I understood, but I still can’t get on the bandwagon.
As with all tragedies and trauma we cope differently. We grieve differently. Some cry and some hold back. Some scream, some go silent. There is no one right way for everyone. That’s part of the beauty that makes us all different. Life would be boring if we were all the same.
My daughter celebrates other days. The day she was released from the hospital is now known as Freedom Day. I like that one. It recalls something positive that happened in that nightmare. She has added Kidney Day. That is the day her kidneys were declared cured and there would be no more dialysis. That’s a fantastic reason to be happy! These days are on my calendar.
But I can’t do a diaversary. Even though I understand the importance to others I will pass. I will continue to scroll past your posts and delete those emails. I won’t tell you I don’t agree with your choices. We all cope differently. I won’t be the downer on your day. And in return I ask that you understand my feelings. Don’t judge me for my refusal to acknowledge the day the beast known as diabetes moved into our lives and changed everything…forever.